Hi!!!! *waving wildly*
Please forgive me for not keeping in touch.
I ran into a guy from Milwaukee who read through my blog and encouraged me to export to Wordpress for more interactive blogging so ... I did. Unfortunately, that resulted in not spending any time over here.
Luckily, I just figured out how to follow non-Wordpress blogs on Wordpress so, just know, that I have added your pages to my follow list and can get back to being an intricate part of your lives. :)
Hope all is well!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Prochoice/Anti-Choice & Prolife/Anti-Abortion
During random conversation with a coworker, the current Tim Tebow rave came up. My coworker mentioned that she didn't care for him because he was a whiny baby, in addition to, the anti-abortion commercials he did. The topic changed from Tebow to our stances on abortion. I told her that the commercials probably didn't bother me because I do not support abortion, though, I am pro choice. She stated you couldn't be both and I stated sure you can. I believe that people should be able to do what they want to with their bodies but I do not support women being able to have abortions generally, though, I accept there are circumstances where it is necessary.
I think many people get their terminology mixed up. Pro choice is not the opposite of Anti-abortion. Pro life is.
Now, though, I agree people should be able to do what they please with their own bodies, I think it's much bigger than that when it comes to abortion. Yes, a woman can choose to remove another living being from their own body but, in my view, if that removed living being cannot sustain its own body (fully developed or not) outside of the "host" body then who is the advocate for the rights of that being? I mean, I believe if a woman decides to remove a living being from within her body, because she can, and that being dies, the woman should be held accountable for that. No other person can intentionally allow another living being to die or be the cause of that death without facing penalties so why should there be any difference where abortion is concerned? It's really a catch 22.
Now, I do understand there are circumstances where it is necessary and agree the procedure should be permitted in these cases mainly revolving around rape victims and pregnancies that jeopardize the life of the carrier.
I know my beliefs about abortion stem from my experiences with woman who support them and have had them...multiple times. Someone who has not had these experiences would, and often do, feel differently. Abortion is not birth control but many women use them as such. Abortions give some women the opportunity to be irresponsible, many times, without repercussion. Additionally, it puts me in mind of all the women who want children but can't have them. They understand the true value of being able to conceive and carry a new life to term yet many women who condone abortions take the ability for granted believing the opportunity will be there when they are ready when, sometimes, that is not the case. I believe, since many want abortion to continue to be allowed, that limits should be put on the number of abortions a woman can have at the least. Yes, some people shouldn't have kids but since the child, aborted or adopted, is going to be on the carrier's mind anyway, why not give that child an opportunity to live and give someone else the opportunity to be a parent?
Back to pro choice...many of the same people that state they are pro choice look down on prostitutes and porn stars, do not support the legalization of prostitution and drugs yet do support the current law deeming assisted suicide illegal. They all fall under the same premise- people being free to do whatever they please with their own body- yet they find a way to say 'that's different'.
I think many people get their terminology mixed up. Pro choice is not the opposite of Anti-abortion. Pro life is.
Now, though, I agree people should be able to do what they please with their own bodies, I think it's much bigger than that when it comes to abortion. Yes, a woman can choose to remove another living being from their own body but, in my view, if that removed living being cannot sustain its own body (fully developed or not) outside of the "host" body then who is the advocate for the rights of that being? I mean, I believe if a woman decides to remove a living being from within her body, because she can, and that being dies, the woman should be held accountable for that. No other person can intentionally allow another living being to die or be the cause of that death without facing penalties so why should there be any difference where abortion is concerned? It's really a catch 22.
Now, I do understand there are circumstances where it is necessary and agree the procedure should be permitted in these cases mainly revolving around rape victims and pregnancies that jeopardize the life of the carrier.
I know my beliefs about abortion stem from my experiences with woman who support them and have had them...multiple times. Someone who has not had these experiences would, and often do, feel differently. Abortion is not birth control but many women use them as such. Abortions give some women the opportunity to be irresponsible, many times, without repercussion. Additionally, it puts me in mind of all the women who want children but can't have them. They understand the true value of being able to conceive and carry a new life to term yet many women who condone abortions take the ability for granted believing the opportunity will be there when they are ready when, sometimes, that is not the case. I believe, since many want abortion to continue to be allowed, that limits should be put on the number of abortions a woman can have at the least. Yes, some people shouldn't have kids but since the child, aborted or adopted, is going to be on the carrier's mind anyway, why not give that child an opportunity to live and give someone else the opportunity to be a parent?
Back to pro choice...many of the same people that state they are pro choice look down on prostitutes and porn stars, do not support the legalization of prostitution and drugs yet do support the current law deeming assisted suicide illegal. They all fall under the same premise- people being free to do whatever they please with their own body- yet they find a way to say 'that's different'.
The Many Faces of Fat
While browsing the web for the difference between full-figured and large, I ran across a couple of forums that offered various viewpoints on the terms. Some stated full-figured meant obese but proportioned and BBW meant morbidly obese. Some went on to say that they all (stocky, full-figured, bbw, large, curvy, heavyset) meant fat and you should run anytime any woman uses one of these terms to describe herself. Others stated that curvy and voluptuous were words meant for people like Jessica Biel, Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce Knowles, Vida Guerra, Jessica Alba. One poster stated, "Anything where you look like an apple, marshmallow, watermelon, a ****ing pear, whatever it is that have NO shape just roundness to it, you're overweight". Ha!
I am one who struggles with many of these terms when completing online profiles. I do usually pick 'curvy'. I also like to use 'voluptuous' or 'zaftig' when available. I do compare my body shape to a pear. My bust is 38C which doesn't push me too far off the mark since, when describing 'ideal' body measurements for a woman, 36 is the preferred number (breast size usually starting at D though). My waist is 34 which is, obviously quite a few inches larger than the 'ideal' for a woman (26) but less than my bust allowing me to still have definite curvature in that area. However, as we travel down my body, below my waist, my measurements expand greatly. My hip measurement is 52. I have lots of ass and hip padding (i.e. fat for those who think large people are ashamed or in denial). My stomach isn't protruding like a balloon but it is fatty and loose horizontally.
Many times, I describe myself as BBW simply because I am big, though, shapely. However, it seems that I don't quite fit that category. I have a small torso and breasts for a larger woman which, from what I understand, is rare. What I have learned while living in Denver is that I am on the small side of the scale in the BBW world. Because I feel like I am kind of stuck in between body sizes due to the shape of my body and other features that I do not possess that are used to categorize fat people (flappy arms, saggy tits, extra chins, etc), I go with 'curvy'. I don't indicate 'a few extra pounds' because, according to the BMI chart at the doctor, I am much more than a 'few' pounds overweight and, just observing my body, I know that I am carrying more than a 'few'. I don't choose 'large' because I'm not all the way through. Only my lower half really fits that category. I don't pick 'full-figured' because, once again, my lower half would resemble that term but my upper would not. If 'fat' was available, I would choose it but even that term is misleading. Fat tells you that I am carrying extra weight but, without a picture, many people would jump to an extreme conclusion if that term was used to describe a person. Additionally, many women use the term 'fat' to describe themselves when they are not. Blame that on the constant promotion of a warped body image huge within this society and present in others. Lastly, what's fat to one is not fat to others. People tell me all the time that I'm not fat. They say, yes, I have some areas that can be worked on but I'm less fat and more Amazonian. Go figure...
Back to an earlier statement. I don't believe any of the women listed above as examples of curvy and voluptuous fit the bill entirely. They each meet petite (Alba), average (Vida, JLo, Biel), and thick (Beyonce). Maybe we should rethink the terms we use to describe people. I believe that there should be a twofold description encompassing body type and body shape because they are different. You can be full-figured and voluptuous just as you can be average and curvy. Honestly, I think any woman who has bust and hip sizes that exceed their waist measurement is "curvy" since most of our bodies naturally curve and round, with or without, extra weight.
Additionally, in one of the threads, weight was a big part of the discussion. One poster said he would ask about height and weight and that would be his gauge, though, that is inaccurate as well. I mean, sure people are attracted to certain heights and body types; however, if picking me up and throwing me over your shoulder is not the goal, height/weight doesn't determine body shape or attractiveness. When people meet me, they can't believe I weigh over 200 pounds. 5'6" at 200+, in their minds, should be grotesque and ugly...which I'm not. Everyone carries weight differently so you can't judge people by their verbal height and weight.
I am one who struggles with many of these terms when completing online profiles. I do usually pick 'curvy'. I also like to use 'voluptuous' or 'zaftig' when available. I do compare my body shape to a pear. My bust is 38C which doesn't push me too far off the mark since, when describing 'ideal' body measurements for a woman, 36 is the preferred number (breast size usually starting at D though). My waist is 34 which is, obviously quite a few inches larger than the 'ideal' for a woman (26) but less than my bust allowing me to still have definite curvature in that area. However, as we travel down my body, below my waist, my measurements expand greatly. My hip measurement is 52. I have lots of ass and hip padding (i.e. fat for those who think large people are ashamed or in denial). My stomach isn't protruding like a balloon but it is fatty and loose horizontally.
Many times, I describe myself as BBW simply because I am big, though, shapely. However, it seems that I don't quite fit that category. I have a small torso and breasts for a larger woman which, from what I understand, is rare. What I have learned while living in Denver is that I am on the small side of the scale in the BBW world. Because I feel like I am kind of stuck in between body sizes due to the shape of my body and other features that I do not possess that are used to categorize fat people (flappy arms, saggy tits, extra chins, etc), I go with 'curvy'. I don't indicate 'a few extra pounds' because, according to the BMI chart at the doctor, I am much more than a 'few' pounds overweight and, just observing my body, I know that I am carrying more than a 'few'. I don't choose 'large' because I'm not all the way through. Only my lower half really fits that category. I don't pick 'full-figured' because, once again, my lower half would resemble that term but my upper would not. If 'fat' was available, I would choose it but even that term is misleading. Fat tells you that I am carrying extra weight but, without a picture, many people would jump to an extreme conclusion if that term was used to describe a person. Additionally, many women use the term 'fat' to describe themselves when they are not. Blame that on the constant promotion of a warped body image huge within this society and present in others. Lastly, what's fat to one is not fat to others. People tell me all the time that I'm not fat. They say, yes, I have some areas that can be worked on but I'm less fat and more Amazonian. Go figure...
Back to an earlier statement. I don't believe any of the women listed above as examples of curvy and voluptuous fit the bill entirely. They each meet petite (Alba), average (Vida, JLo, Biel), and thick (Beyonce). Maybe we should rethink the terms we use to describe people. I believe that there should be a twofold description encompassing body type and body shape because they are different. You can be full-figured and voluptuous just as you can be average and curvy. Honestly, I think any woman who has bust and hip sizes that exceed their waist measurement is "curvy" since most of our bodies naturally curve and round, with or without, extra weight.
Additionally, in one of the threads, weight was a big part of the discussion. One poster said he would ask about height and weight and that would be his gauge, though, that is inaccurate as well. I mean, sure people are attracted to certain heights and body types; however, if picking me up and throwing me over your shoulder is not the goal, height/weight doesn't determine body shape or attractiveness. When people meet me, they can't believe I weigh over 200 pounds. 5'6" at 200+, in their minds, should be grotesque and ugly...which I'm not. Everyone carries weight differently so you can't judge people by their verbal height and weight.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
My mind has been turning circles after a couple of visits to a local black-owned salon, an extended trip to Georgia, and a few encounters with some of my ethnic brethren in this here dating game.
There really are two types of black people - traditional and stereotypical- with very few who don't fall within the two categories.
What brings me to this conclusion? Observation and experience. I could never put my finger on how to express my thoughts about the ways and mindsets of my people until now after a series of events that brought these thoughts back to the forefront. However, I realized you can truly sum most of us up in one of these two categories listed.
Case in point, during a shampoo and cut, I was partaking in the regular chatter that goes on in the beauty shop and, as expected, found myself on an entirely different end of the spectrum than the black stylists conversing around me. I did attempt to share my opposing point of view a couple of times but the stylists couldn't see past their learned beliefs and judgments. One conversation was about Erykah Badu. A stylist was saying that she enjoy her music but she was just ignorant and has some "wild" ideas. When I inquired as to what was a wild idea that the stylist didn't agree with, she mentioned how Erykah Badu had stated she didn't need a man and the stylist stated that was just her talking stupid. I stated to her that I didn't see how that was wild or stupid because, in actuality, Badu was speaking the truth. I went on to state if people spent more time learning and growing their own being, they would be less inclined to (1) believe they have some sort of right to be informed about the business of others, (2) more fulfilled, satisfied, and, in turn, loving in their own lives, and (3) less inclined to develop this 'codependency' displayed in embracing the concept of 'needing' someone and, instead, learn to develop healthy connections. Companionship should be pursued out of desire not necessity. The ultimate achievement is learning to live with oneself and that is hard enough to do.
Another conversation we had involved the stylist's daughter, who is a Christian child, and a schoolmate, who is a Muslim child. The stylist was stating how she didn't mind her daughter being friends with the girl as long as the girl wasn't tryng to have her daughter reading the Qu'ran and teaching her Muslim beliefs. She stated she told her daughter that the young girl didn't know any better since that was her parents' belief and maybe one day she will learn the truth. *symphony of crickets* What the Fuck does that mean? It was funny to me how strongly the stylist believed in what she was saying and how easily she passed judgment on someone else as a Christian woman assuming everyone around shared her beliefs. I'm not a Christian and don't adopt the traditional, Baptist in this case, mindset so it was just another sign that this place is really not for me as far as comraderie goes.
Another scenario I encountered was with a midlife-aged black man in Georgia. I may be a bit biased since his approach had already rubbed me the wrong way. The first thing he said to me was, "Why you looking so mad?" Side Story...I am a firm supporter of getting a person's attention by saying something as simple as, "Good Morning. How's your day?" It irritates me when people, men in this case, use various verbal tactics to attempt to pick a woman up. For instance, my looking mad to him, is my normal 'focusing on the rest of my day' look. Secondly, even if I was mad, there would be no reason to share the details of whatever the situation may be with you and, if I am mad, the last thing I am interested in is being bothered or hit on. Then, once I replied, he asked me if my man was in the car. WTF?! He said he would buy my breakfast. Well, my reply was whether or not my guy was in the car had no relevance to him. If he was offering to buy whatever I was ordering then he was doing that out of generosity so it shouldn't matter whose meals my order covered. I've always hated that statement or inquiry regarding my man. If you are trying to get to know me or what have you, come out with it and let me worry about the details of my other associations. If it's of any concern to you, I'll let you know. To solidify my chargrin, he assumed, because my hair is natural, I'm all nubian with all nubian interests. Boy was he knocked out of his shoes when he realized I wasn't that girl at all.
Then, the last encounter with a youngsta. I don't know what people think is attractive about dressing sloppy with clothes hanging off your ass, smoking (regardless of the vice), and inadequate speech skills. Additionally, you finding me physically appealing but not being able to keep me intellectually aroused doesn't get you very far. Lastly, a night of wings and bootleg movies is not the business. Once I explained to the bopper how different we were from each other and incompatibility, he still wanted to fuck. *smh*
That's just a bit of my experiences. I didn't even go into detail about people I encountered along the way in and around the Sweet Auburn Festival and Mall of Georgia. And I'm not complaining. If it works for you, have at it. My path is self made.
There really are two types of black people - traditional and stereotypical- with very few who don't fall within the two categories.
What brings me to this conclusion? Observation and experience. I could never put my finger on how to express my thoughts about the ways and mindsets of my people until now after a series of events that brought these thoughts back to the forefront. However, I realized you can truly sum most of us up in one of these two categories listed.
Case in point, during a shampoo and cut, I was partaking in the regular chatter that goes on in the beauty shop and, as expected, found myself on an entirely different end of the spectrum than the black stylists conversing around me. I did attempt to share my opposing point of view a couple of times but the stylists couldn't see past their learned beliefs and judgments. One conversation was about Erykah Badu. A stylist was saying that she enjoy her music but she was just ignorant and has some "wild" ideas. When I inquired as to what was a wild idea that the stylist didn't agree with, she mentioned how Erykah Badu had stated she didn't need a man and the stylist stated that was just her talking stupid. I stated to her that I didn't see how that was wild or stupid because, in actuality, Badu was speaking the truth. I went on to state if people spent more time learning and growing their own being, they would be less inclined to (1) believe they have some sort of right to be informed about the business of others, (2) more fulfilled, satisfied, and, in turn, loving in their own lives, and (3) less inclined to develop this 'codependency' displayed in embracing the concept of 'needing' someone and, instead, learn to develop healthy connections. Companionship should be pursued out of desire not necessity. The ultimate achievement is learning to live with oneself and that is hard enough to do.
Another conversation we had involved the stylist's daughter, who is a Christian child, and a schoolmate, who is a Muslim child. The stylist was stating how she didn't mind her daughter being friends with the girl as long as the girl wasn't tryng to have her daughter reading the Qu'ran and teaching her Muslim beliefs. She stated she told her daughter that the young girl didn't know any better since that was her parents' belief and maybe one day she will learn the truth. *symphony of crickets* What the Fuck does that mean? It was funny to me how strongly the stylist believed in what she was saying and how easily she passed judgment on someone else as a Christian woman assuming everyone around shared her beliefs. I'm not a Christian and don't adopt the traditional, Baptist in this case, mindset so it was just another sign that this place is really not for me as far as comraderie goes.
Another scenario I encountered was with a midlife-aged black man in Georgia. I may be a bit biased since his approach had already rubbed me the wrong way. The first thing he said to me was, "Why you looking so mad?" Side Story...I am a firm supporter of getting a person's attention by saying something as simple as, "Good Morning. How's your day?" It irritates me when people, men in this case, use various verbal tactics to attempt to pick a woman up. For instance, my looking mad to him, is my normal 'focusing on the rest of my day' look. Secondly, even if I was mad, there would be no reason to share the details of whatever the situation may be with you and, if I am mad, the last thing I am interested in is being bothered or hit on. Then, once I replied, he asked me if my man was in the car. WTF?! He said he would buy my breakfast. Well, my reply was whether or not my guy was in the car had no relevance to him. If he was offering to buy whatever I was ordering then he was doing that out of generosity so it shouldn't matter whose meals my order covered. I've always hated that statement or inquiry regarding my man. If you are trying to get to know me or what have you, come out with it and let me worry about the details of my other associations. If it's of any concern to you, I'll let you know. To solidify my chargrin, he assumed, because my hair is natural, I'm all nubian with all nubian interests. Boy was he knocked out of his shoes when he realized I wasn't that girl at all.
Then, the last encounter with a youngsta. I don't know what people think is attractive about dressing sloppy with clothes hanging off your ass, smoking (regardless of the vice), and inadequate speech skills. Additionally, you finding me physically appealing but not being able to keep me intellectually aroused doesn't get you very far. Lastly, a night of wings and bootleg movies is not the business. Once I explained to the bopper how different we were from each other and incompatibility, he still wanted to fuck. *smh*
That's just a bit of my experiences. I didn't even go into detail about people I encountered along the way in and around the Sweet Auburn Festival and Mall of Georgia. And I'm not complaining. If it works for you, have at it. My path is self made.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Not a SuperHero
I had a pretty uneventful day. Then, I heard that a woman had been dragged by the light rail that runs in front of our office and was killed.
Now I don't know how the lightrail/speedtrain/subway systems works in your area but it's not a bus, guys.
It's a train- a nicer, speedier version of a regular train car. It takes him damn near 50 feet to stop and that's if he just gets going. Really? From what I understand from the news write-up, the woman stood on the tracks in an attempt to get the train to stop. WTF?!
So, when the train stopped, it is presumed the woman tried to board but the lightrail does not open its doors at non-stops so it proceeded to move forward. It is said that the woman was probably trailing the train, banging on the doors, and got hung up somehow and fell under the train. It drug her about 30 feet.
It is said the young woman was under the influence of something. There are a lot of homeless and/or unstable individuals that hang in the area where the accident happened so I wouldn't doubt her state of mind/being was questionable.
Damn shame...
Now I don't know how the lightrail/speedtrain/subway systems works in your area but it's not a bus, guys.
It's a train- a nicer, speedier version of a regular train car. It takes him damn near 50 feet to stop and that's if he just gets going. Really? From what I understand from the news write-up, the woman stood on the tracks in an attempt to get the train to stop. WTF?!
So, when the train stopped, it is presumed the woman tried to board but the lightrail does not open its doors at non-stops so it proceeded to move forward. It is said that the woman was probably trailing the train, banging on the doors, and got hung up somehow and fell under the train. It drug her about 30 feet.
It is said the young woman was under the influence of something. There are a lot of homeless and/or unstable individuals that hang in the area where the accident happened so I wouldn't doubt her state of mind/being was questionable.
Damn shame...
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Rat Race
I wonder why dating has to be made so complicated. With so many people out and about at these social events and so many people searching for others on social networking/dating sites, you would think people would work on maintaining the associations they are lucky to develop with others who have some commonalities and the genuine desire to develop and sustain them. I have yet to encounter that locally.
I recently met a seemingly decent guy (with a bit of downed luck but join the club), spent a few days of what I think was good conversations and engaging times hanging out but he has fallen off the grid already. I don't know what has happened with him- if it's me or him. Now, though I've made it clear that I believe Denver is full of flakes, I'm not passing judgment on him. The situation just brought up thoughts and feelings that I have voiced before and makes me wonder.
Another thing that I notice is people don't seem to know what they really want. One minute they say they are just looking for decent, genuine people to get to know and the next minute they are giving you the cold shoulder because you don't have the physique they are attracted to. Um, really? When did that become a factor in platonic relationships? I mean, many say they seek an attraction to something much deeper than the external yet they will quickly overlook someone who seems to be very compatible with them if they are not the physical prototype of what they desire. Don't get me wrong, I agree that you have to be attracted to a person physically (if you are looking for companionship or sex) but the question is how much weight is given to that attraction compared to the other factors? Physical can change and will change as time goes on yet you are willing to lay 80% of your cards on the line for it when seeking a non-platonic partner. I mean, I think what is most important regarding physical attractiveness is a person's willingness and desire to continue to work on becoming healthier and fitter. Case and point, no, I'm not fit but I'm not a mammoth either. I'm more Amazonian if you will so I'm not a little chick. With that said, I have always been more lenient on body types even when I was slim and trim. My strongest point of attraction is a person's face. As long as that is good, I have a wide berth of acceptance when it comes to body types. As long as you clean up well, you're not sloppy, and you don't stink, I can work with it.
Or you'll have someone claim they are not looking for just sex, they do want a relationship, then question why want a relationship all within the same conversation. Huh? Should that be a red flag? If you do want a relationship but want to take it slow, say that. If you do want a relationship but realize, as you've spent time with someone, they may not be the best choice for you, say that but don't try to make it seem like you have had a general change of heart. That is the issue in this society. People haven't been taught how to say 'no' politely or how to speak up frankly without being ugly or disrespectful. It is okay to tell someone you have gone out with as a potential that you do not think they are a good fit for what you are looking for. You can even keep hanging out with them after that point with the understanding that you two are doing just that.
Hell, I've wasted the majority of this year supposedly dating a guy who wanted a relationship just to change his tune to not being sure since his life circumstances won't allow him to be full-time. ugh*
I think I'm just frustrated. I'm tired of not finding compatibles on the same level with the same mindset regarding communication. I'm done being open to it all as long as I am in this state. Doesn't seem like companionship should be part of my scope at this point in my journey. Hopefully, this will result in much more success in other areas of my life. :)
I recently met a seemingly decent guy (with a bit of downed luck but join the club), spent a few days of what I think was good conversations and engaging times hanging out but he has fallen off the grid already. I don't know what has happened with him- if it's me or him. Now, though I've made it clear that I believe Denver is full of flakes, I'm not passing judgment on him. The situation just brought up thoughts and feelings that I have voiced before and makes me wonder.
Another thing that I notice is people don't seem to know what they really want. One minute they say they are just looking for decent, genuine people to get to know and the next minute they are giving you the cold shoulder because you don't have the physique they are attracted to. Um, really? When did that become a factor in platonic relationships? I mean, many say they seek an attraction to something much deeper than the external yet they will quickly overlook someone who seems to be very compatible with them if they are not the physical prototype of what they desire. Don't get me wrong, I agree that you have to be attracted to a person physically (if you are looking for companionship or sex) but the question is how much weight is given to that attraction compared to the other factors? Physical can change and will change as time goes on yet you are willing to lay 80% of your cards on the line for it when seeking a non-platonic partner. I mean, I think what is most important regarding physical attractiveness is a person's willingness and desire to continue to work on becoming healthier and fitter. Case and point, no, I'm not fit but I'm not a mammoth either. I'm more Amazonian if you will so I'm not a little chick. With that said, I have always been more lenient on body types even when I was slim and trim. My strongest point of attraction is a person's face. As long as that is good, I have a wide berth of acceptance when it comes to body types. As long as you clean up well, you're not sloppy, and you don't stink, I can work with it.
Or you'll have someone claim they are not looking for just sex, they do want a relationship, then question why want a relationship all within the same conversation. Huh? Should that be a red flag? If you do want a relationship but want to take it slow, say that. If you do want a relationship but realize, as you've spent time with someone, they may not be the best choice for you, say that but don't try to make it seem like you have had a general change of heart. That is the issue in this society. People haven't been taught how to say 'no' politely or how to speak up frankly without being ugly or disrespectful. It is okay to tell someone you have gone out with as a potential that you do not think they are a good fit for what you are looking for. You can even keep hanging out with them after that point with the understanding that you two are doing just that.
Hell, I've wasted the majority of this year supposedly dating a guy who wanted a relationship just to change his tune to not being sure since his life circumstances won't allow him to be full-time. ugh*
I think I'm just frustrated. I'm tired of not finding compatibles on the same level with the same mindset regarding communication. I'm done being open to it all as long as I am in this state. Doesn't seem like companionship should be part of my scope at this point in my journey. Hopefully, this will result in much more success in other areas of my life. :)
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Sex Packet - Wanna be a Freak?
It always tickles me when people tell me they are freaks. So many people want to believe they truly are freaky freaks too. It's amazing.
What constitutes as freaky has changed drastically since the word became the popular term to describe someone who was, let’s say, a little bit more sexually explorative than the average person.
I'm a firm believer in, if you have to say you're a freak or freaky, you're so far removed from the truth of the matter that it's sad.
The definition of freak is a thing or occurence that is markedly unusual or irregular. One of the slang definitions refers to an eccentric (def. departing from recognized/conventional/established norm/pattern) or nonconformist person.
With that said, not many people I have met actually live up to these definitions. Most people who say they are freaks are very conventional and in sync with mainstream society. Additionally, there isn't a whole lot they do in their sexual lives that is unusual or irregular. Oral and sex toys have become less of a taboo and tends to be part of regular exploration these days. Multiple partners (same sex or not), swinging, and swapping have also become something less taboo in this age if only for experimentation alone. Anal is another one that has become a more mainstream part of sexual lifestyles.
Now, if we add, voyeurism/exhibitionism, bodily fluid fetishes, public activity, animals, BDSM/CP, and a whole lot of extra passion/sensuality then we can talk. ;)
What constitutes as freaky has changed drastically since the word became the popular term to describe someone who was, let’s say, a little bit more sexually explorative than the average person.
I'm a firm believer in, if you have to say you're a freak or freaky, you're so far removed from the truth of the matter that it's sad.
The definition of freak is a thing or occurence that is markedly unusual or irregular. One of the slang definitions refers to an eccentric (def. departing from recognized/conventional/established norm/pattern) or nonconformist person.
With that said, not many people I have met actually live up to these definitions. Most people who say they are freaks are very conventional and in sync with mainstream society. Additionally, there isn't a whole lot they do in their sexual lives that is unusual or irregular. Oral and sex toys have become less of a taboo and tends to be part of regular exploration these days. Multiple partners (same sex or not), swinging, and swapping have also become something less taboo in this age if only for experimentation alone. Anal is another one that has become a more mainstream part of sexual lifestyles.
Now, if we add, voyeurism/exhibitionism, bodily fluid fetishes, public activity, animals, BDSM/CP, and a whole lot of extra passion/sensuality then we can talk. ;)
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